One of the struggles of being a woman is the amount of expectations placed on us. Let’s face it, we are expected to wear a lot of hats.
I am not here to argue that this is unfair, because I don’t think that it is. To the contrary, I think this is exactly what we are created to be. We complete creation, and that means needing to be adaptable to the needs of the situation.
Few things are more illustrative of this than the story of Mary and Martha.
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38-42, NIV
This scripture has weighed on me for most of my life. When I was growing up, my father’s side of the family was Pentecostal and this scripture was cited in many sermons criticizing Martha for not being at the feet of Jesus.
Yet, while these criticisms were coming from the pulpit, there were women in the church kitchen preparing the potluck dinner we were to share afterwards. Others were in the nursery caring for the children. Was that somehow wrong?
I think not.
If Martha wasn’t sinning by not being at the feet of Jesus, then what is the point of this scripture, and what can we take from it as women who love Christ?
A time and a place
As women of God, we aren’t called to be Martha at all times and in all places. Sometimes we are to sit at the feet of Christ and learn. Sometimes we are Titus 2 women, teaching others how to care for their homes and families. At times we are the Proverbs 31 woman, providing for our family.
But there are times we are Martha, and we can look to her story to learn how to serve.
Martha’s Role
Let’s walk through this step by step. Jesus and His disciples come to a village and Martha opens her home to them. And Jesus accepts her invitation.
This places Martha in the role of hostess. Extending hospitality in the form of comfort and refreshment would be what is expected of her.
Think about this. What a tremendous moment. To offer hospitality to the God and Creator of the universe. And He accepts and comes into her home.
This is now her part to play. Her place. She is the hostess to the Lord of all.
Mary’s Role
Christ and His disciples enter the home and He begins to teach. Mary sits down at His feet and listens to Him. She was not who offered the home to Him, and is bound by no obligation to offer hospitality. She uses her freedom to receive His teaching.
She has her eyes on Jesus. Martha is, presumably, bustling around, likely bringing out food and drink, coming to and from the room where Jesus is teaching, and Mary is focused on her Lord alone.
Martha’s Mistake
I think it’s safe to assume that you have either heard Martha being criticized for being focused on domestic concerns while Christ was in her home, teaching. Or maybe you have even thought that yourself, that she was wrong.
But look at what Christ says, and pay attention to what He does not say.
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Martha is Worried
Where is Martha’s focus? What is her disposition? Is she offering hospitality with joy? With a light heart? Is she focused on her Lord? I think it’s safe to assume she is not.
What is Martha worried about? We don’t really know. She may be worried about impressing as a hostess, or that she doesn’t have enough to offer. Maybe she has departed from simplicity and is making extra work for herself by trying to offer things that are overly elaborate. This makes sense to me since Christ makes a point of letting her know that few things are needed.
Or it could be something else entirely. I’m not sure it matters. The point is, she is not focused on fulfilling her duties with thanksgiving.
Martha is Upset
Why is Martha upset? We know from her own words that she is upset that Mary isn’t helping her.
Martha chose the role of hostess for this situation. Christ grants her what she asks and comes to her home. Instead of cheerfully giving what she has the chance to give, she is upset that it is all falling to her.
Martha’s Eyes Are Not On Christ
When you are in the role of giving instead of receiving, it is important to understand Who we give to and why.
Martha isn’t focused on her own actions and their significance, but rather she is focused on the choice her sister Mary has made. She is also focused on the serving itself and not on the One she serves.
Martha Casts Judgment
Oh how guilty I am of this, and how often! When Martha sees Mary immersed in absorbing the teachings of her Lord, not only is Martha worried and upset, but she is critical of her sister’s decision. She is certain her sister is doing something wrong (simply because she is unhappy with Mary). So certain, she literally goes to God incarnate to ask Him to back her up in this judgment.
Of course she should not be judging Mary, and Christ makes a very specific point to put Mary’s actions beyond reproach.
But martha WAS Doing Something Right!
At this point it’s easy to think badly of Martha, but I think that is unfair. After all, she does a wonderful thing by opening her home to Jesus and His disciples. Even St. John Cassian says about Martha, “In looking after the Lord and His disciples, Martha did a very holy service.” – Commentary on Luke 10
When she complains about Mary, what does Christ not say to Martha? Even though He says what Mary has chosen is the only true thing that matters, He does not tell her to stop serving and sit and listen with Mary. He does not criticize her hospitality or decision to offer it. No, He accepts her hospitality. And He continues to accept it.
If He doesn’t want Martha to stop her work and sit down with Mary to listen, what does He want?
He wants her to change her thinking.
So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.
2 Corinthians 9:7, NKJV
Let each one give as he purposes in his heart
Martha purposed in her heart to serve the Lord through her hospitality. And He granted her this purpose. It was good to want to give and to serve Him in this way.
not grudgingly or out of necessity
Christ perceived she is worried and upset. For her to be upset about her duty as hostess, her mind had shifted from one of being privileged to serve to one who does it out of necessity. Because it has to be done.
for God loves a cheerful giver
I think it’s fair to guess that one of the reasons Christ lets Martha know that Mary’s choice is the highest good is so Martha will go back to focusing on her own role in this situation. In other words, He wants her to keep her eyes on her own plate (and on Him). When we focus on what we have right in front of us, it can restore our joy.
Being Martha
It takes a lot to make life happen. Including parish life.
Christ is in our midst, and while the “what is better” is to “sit at the feet of Christ” and be taught, practical concerns still exist.
There are times I have stepped up to be the one doing the practical thing that needs to be done. And sometimes I do it cheerfully. And sometimes I do it grudgingly. Without fail, a grudging attitude is accompanied by looking around at others and what they are and are not doing.
And it can be hard. The more you do at your parish, or for your family, or community, the greater the temptation to look others and grumble about what they don’t do. She never sings in the choir. She never serves during trapeza. She doesn’t help with fundraisers. She never shows up to clean the temple. (Or, ehem, he never does the dishes, but that’s another blog post). And on and on our judgment goes.
And to us, God says, “My handmaiden, you are worried and upset about many things.”
God gives us many ways to grow closer to Him and move along our path towards salvation. Sometimes it is a lot easier to see the spiritual benefit of study, of learning. But the everyday simple tasks of serving are also part of our path. Let us try to approach them with cheerfulness and thanksgiving.
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